In Closing

For most people a divorce is definitely a low point in their life. Broken or damaged emotional bonds, finan­cial stress, anger, pain, frustration, unhappiness, depression, and alienation are common. Often things seem so dark that a happy future is impossible to imagine.

The divorce process often takes a year or more. During that time I hope you are able to move beyond many of your most negative emotions and become calmer, less stressed, and less anxious. Seek out people who help you smile, and limit your time with people who seem to focus only on the negative.

Though it seems like a cliché, it is important that you control what you can, and accept what you cannot control. This is important but very difficult. Controlling what you can requires you to focus on the different aspects of your life, and to be disciplined in doing those things that are important. This list includes properly tending to your children, your job, your finances, your relationships, your health, your diet, your exer­cise, your sleep, etc.

Being focused and disciplined regarding what’s important in your life is hard. Accepting what you cannot control may be even harder. In nearly every divorce each spouse is un­happy with the other’s attitude and behavior. But your ability to control or steer your spouse’s behavior is probably close to nonexistent. This may be difficult to accept, especially if there are children and your dissatisfaction extends to the way your former partner parents your children.

Often it is not clear exactly what you should try to change and what you just need to accept. Your divorce attorney can help you identify which of your spouse’s behaviors you have a chance of changing and which behaviors and attitudes you will just have to accept.

I hope you conclude your divorce with the best possible outcome for you and your children and with the least possible contention and expense. All the best to you as your move through this challenging stage in your life.